The Fearful Travelerýs Companion

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This is often a feeling that settles in over a long period of time.

Scared of my husband

It can also come from a lack of experience when it comes to being single. One of the finest, yet arguably most painful things about relationships, is that they force us to be vulnerable. It may come out in small things like a lack of physical affection or eye contact. Or it may come out in bigger things like arguments or spending a disproportionate amount of time away from home.

I want to split up with my partner but I'm scared of being lonely

The usual outcome in situations like this is a gradual widening of the gap between the two people until, eventually, they break apart. This is the most important question to consider in this scenario. What exactly do we mean by loneliness? Is it being alone? Or rather, is it not having anyone around who understands us?

I wish you all the best.

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I do not judge you for at the moment staying with him to try and work things out and improve the relationship Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. Home Get support Online forums. Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile. Cancel The title field is required! I am new to all of this and unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for a couple of years with 6 month old baby but I am scared of my husband.

I want to thank you for posting your comment because it's very important that this issue has been raised, and in this case it's with you.

You can never feel as though you are a bad person, and certainly not by what he says to you, a marriage is a union between two people, compromises can be made, give and take can happen but NOT dominance and NOT the any threat and worry of being hurt. The decision to leave or stay is up to you and I'm not going to suggest that you do, because that's not what you want to hear as I would just be the same as your friend, but what I can suggest is that you go and see your doctor and whether you need to tell your husband maybe something you could keep to yourself at the moment, because if you tell him then this will add to complaints against you, but both you and your baby's is critical.

I hope that you can trust us here and hope that we hear back from you. Hi Ale, welcome Fully agree with Geoff and Dwwmills posts. Hi Ale, I'm sorry to hear you feel this way Stay in touch with us Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. I agree to receive email communications from beyondblue you can unsubscribe from this at a later date if you wish.

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The goal posts just get moved. They find another reason to blame you for their anger. Abusive people have all the answers as to why they treat you poorly. Past girlfriends or boyfriends have betrayed them. So, you believe them and keep ignoring the warning signs. To you, this is still that gorgeous person who swept you off your feet.

You can still see the good beneath the dark side. And that makes you feel needed, secure. But then the abuse gets worse. When they go into a rage now, they may storm out and disappear for days. They may even show the first signs of physical abuse. A push or a shove. Something that shocks you, as it comes out of the blue. You ignored the early warning signs, now you deny the reality.

Love can be blind. It helps that the remorse they now show is equal to the severity of their latest abuse. They say how sorry they are.

They sob in your arms. They admit that they need you more than ever to help them change. And of course, this is music to your ears. But this honeymoon period never lasts. Over and over, in a cycle. With each spin, it breaks you down. Any shred of self-esteem you have starts to erode. You feel worthless and almost deserving of their anger.

But you somehow rationalize it all by thinking that all they need is you to fix them to make the abuse go away.

All you need to do is to love them more. Your head might be screaming at you to leave. In your heart, you feel you love you them. You might even feel guilty if you abandon them. You are just like an addict. That high you get from their charismatic, remorseful, attentive side. What you need to make you feel good again. After each dreadful low, you are desperate for a fix, that high, again.

But at some point, you will reach rock bottom—the abuse will become extreme.

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My ex did, by strangling me. Like many women, even after that, I still loved him! My heart kept screaming at me not to leave him. Yes, even after he almost killed me. But not before going back to him many, many times. The drug-like pull back toward him was so great.

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The high, after we first reunited again, was better than the pain I felt when I was without him, alone. When you leave an abusive person, the withdrawal feels as agonizing as, I imagine it might be, weaning off heroin. It did for me, at least. Shame, anger, loneliness, guilt—you name it, you feel it. I have never sobbed like that before in my life.

I was so overwhelmed by the rawness of them. But you need to feel these emotions, as painful as they are. You need to thaw out. To go cold turkey in order to recover. Unless you look hard at why you were addicted to an unavailable person in the first place, you risk going back to them.

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