Asking For It

Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do about It

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The question I wanted to see addressed in this book was how far are people ready to push and limit freedom of speech, therefore the freedom of art itself for the sake of social justice? When you watch a TV show it is considered sufficient to have a warning of content at the beginning and people are left to their own devices. Nobody is judging your intelligence to process the content. You know it's a show. So why are other forms of art and entertainment held to different standards?

It is becoming painfully obvious that some feminist movements want to ban certain way of depicting women. Sexually submissive, provocatively dressed or sexually healthy women seem to have no more space in modern popular culture as more and more pressure is applied on artists in various branches of art to produce the more politically correct, conservatively dressed heroines that don't offend the delicate little feminine flowers on the consuming end. If we continue on that road the world will get nothing but similar content, viewed trough pink tinted glasses and the true problem of rape culture will remain.

In fact it can only be worse because of limited speech. On the other side of the argument we have some truly important influences of young minds like pop stars, reality stars, movie and tv actors that seem to compete as to who can be seen in a more revealing outfit and proclaim that a woman's body is not to be shamed.

Should we start burning books and demonizing creators of content that might possibly offend? Or should we work on educating people and allowing them the human courtesy by deeming them intelligent enough to understand what is in front of them and not openly assume that they are so limited in their understanding of right or wrong that they need someone e.

These are only a few of the questions I wanted to read about once I started reading this book. They all relate to rape culture and modern feminism. None of them were truly answered. While reading it I stumbled on more issues I personally would like to talk about in depth but this is not a confessional. The rating for this book is this low simply because I have expected the author to bring more of herself to the pages, as it stood it just added a little to other people's work and read like a report. View all 6 comments. Sep 06, Marjorie Ingall rated it it was amazing Shelves: Don't even read my review, just go buy this fucker right now.

Are you still here? I am old enough to remember the Madge the Manicurist "You're soaking in it! We really ARE immersed in it, with "it" in this case being a culture that devalues women. And their stories of assault, yes Harding is a very, VERY funny writer, which helps make a difficult subject readable. Asking for It is a polemic that does not read like a polemic. Harding comes off as a reliable narrator as well as your most amusing friend. Full disclosure, I know her online but have only met her in person a couple of times. Asking For It is, for me, the first great bloggy non-fiction.

It is rigorously researched, but delivered in a snarky voice that I think of as a blog-writer voice. Usually over the length of a book this kind of voice wears thin for me -- too much, too snide, too self-impressed, too clever. And this voice makes Asking For It a great read for teenagers and twenty somethings, into whose hands I want to shove this book right this very second. Guys and girls both. I also want to give it to older feminists -- including my own GenX cohort -- who default to "but WHY do young women today My friends and the prominent older feminists who use this phrase have not internalized the fact that no matter what the kids today are wearing, no matter how much they drink, no matter how dumb you think they are for being so careless Rape culture means blaming the victim, and that is precisely what you are doing.

What you have delivered should be a stand-alone sentence. Put a period there. Oh and dump the "of course" which implies a big ol' BUT. My year-old read this before I did and handed it back saying "This is the best non-fiction book I have read in a long time. Do not say "Let kids be kids a little longer! Apr 03, Liz rated it it was amazing Shelves: The book discusses rape, sexual assault, harassment in a rather graphic manner and I suspect that it can seriously trigger some people, so while I recommend it - proceed with caution.

This is a very important book, regardless whether you, as a reader, live in the United States of America, Canada, UK, or any other country. Of course, it does concern itself with cases that happened in the USA and focuses solely on e. This is simply the reality we live in.

But for now, about the book. It is cohesive, succinct, easy to understand because it is written in plain, non-academic English and partially even uses slang, and it features the most important issues regarding rape culture while also explaining, in a very understandable manner, what rape culture is, what encourages it and what we can do against it.

It addresses stereotypes, issues with the police and rape kits, and generally a variety of different topics linked to rape. All of them important.

The Numbered by Elias Canetti

All of them deeply disturbing since apparently women are still oftentimes seen as objects rather than actual human beings. There are also digressions into topics linked to it like, for example, internet trolls and man's rights activist this shit is plain disgusting. Still, it was very enlightning. I think it's a must-read for everyone, nowadays.

Review: Asking For It at Abbey Theatre, Dublin | Ireland | The Times

What I encountered when I ventured into the topic of rape in Germany left me shocked and deeply concerned about the future. Jan 14, Ylenia rated it really liked it Shelves: Kate Harding started with something easy - what is rape culture? This book enraged me to no end, mostly because it was written a couple of years a 4.

The way some people not only men! Ignorance mixed with privilege is a bad combo. This book was well written, full of sarcastic comments - sarcasm is necessary, otherwise we would cry from page one because the world we live in is so fucked up - and the basic concepts are well explained. It's not a book I've read in a day but it took me a couple of months. I highly encourage you to pick this one up! Oct 18, Melissa rated it really liked it Shelves: These guys are telling you how they feel. Nov 14, Katie rated it really liked it.

Equal parts angry, witty, and educating, Asking For It will force you to examine yourself, your bias, and your place in rape culture. When you think of the word rape, what do you picture? Likely, a stranger violently abducting a you Equal parts angry, witty, and educating, Asking For It will force you to examine yourself, your bias, and your place in rape culture. Likely, a stranger violently abducting a young woman in an alleyway. In reality, most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows.

Here are some of the discussions that I found most valuable in the book: It is either rape or it is consensual sex. Consent can only be given in the moment. A relationship, or even a marriage, does not equate consent. We also have to teach young men about consent. The only way we can change our culture is to examine it and then talk about it. Reading Asking For It is a great jumping off point!

Sep 03, Kelli rated it it was amazing Shelves: I need a hard copy to properly review this incredible narrative. Sep 20, Ian Wood rated it it was amazing. This is the complete review as it appears at my blog dedicated to reading, writing no 'rithmatic! Blog reviews often contain links which are not reproduced here, nor will updates or modifications to the blog review be replicated here.

Graphic and children's reviews on the blog typically feature two or three images from the book's interior, which are not reproduced here. Note that I don't really do stars. To me a book is either worth reading or it isn't. I can't rate it three- This is the complete review as it appears at my blog dedicated to reading, writing no 'rithmatic! I can't rate it three-fifths worth reading!

The only reason I've relented and started putting stars up there is to credit the good ones, which were being unfairly uncredited. So, all you'll ever see from me is a five-star or a one-star since no stars isn't a rating, unfortunately. The problem with this book is that the people who need most to read it will not, and if they mistakenly happen upon it, they will dismiss it as "more feminist propaganda". It's an uncomfortable experience to read it, but I think people need to read it until they get beyond discomfort and get downright angry that this crap not only goes on in , but that it evidently doesn't even cause widespread outrage.

The problem is that when people are talking about "rape-rape" like it's a baby topic that no real grown-ups waste their time with , or about "legitimate rape" or about "the rape thing", then you know as well as I do that despite recent progress, there's still a hell of a long way to go. What also outraged me is that this didn't show up in the first page of results on Goodreads. Asking For It it is evidently a really poorly-chosen title because Goodreads showed over screens of titles that were triggered when I typed that in.

Even when I typed in the author's name it was second in a long list! The title is even one in a fictional series, which reportedly attempts to retro-justify rape - because she liked it in the end. What the hell kind of a fantasy that is, and how dangerous is it? That's rape culture in all its shabby glory. The book explores the topic of rape in civilian and in military life, and how rape culture which the author defines enables rapists and does serious injustice to those who are raped, to the point where those who have gone through this horror can be even more victimized by the aftermath than they were by the original atrocity itself.

Even to the point where survivors have subsequently been charged with a crime - essentially charged with the 'crime' of reporting it! That's not to say it was all plain sailing. I had some issues with the way this was written. For example, the author does explore the wider implications of a rape culture, but nowhere near enough for me, and in nowhere near enough detail, especially for a book that is specifically about the rape culture rather than specifically cases of rape.

She covers, for example, the absurd clamoring of celebrities to support other celebrities - such as those who came out for rapist Roman Polansky who ostensibly couldn't distinguish between a thirteen-year-old and a consenting adult, and others like Bill Cosby and people from other celebrity ventures like the sporting world where victims aren't even given a sporting chance in popular reporting.

Having said that, she fails to address the wider picture except briefly in passing, and tangentially of the whole culture we live in - the movies, the video games, the comic books, the novel, the TV shows. Yes, she briefly covers some of them, but briefly isn't sufficient in a book like this which is supposedly aimed at this very problem. Rape culture isn't just rape victims getting a raw deal and rapists getting a good deal - it's the entire ethos of how women are treated and viewed in society and I felt this got short shrift.

Another issue I personally had is that the author's tone felt a bit preachy and strident at times and thereby at risk of undermining a really strong case. In this kind of environment, lists didn't help as much as they ought, and her love of lists to me was counter-productive to her aim. I'm not a fan of lists and regimented structures because life is neither, and neither are personal interactions except in crappy rom-coms.

Once you start relying on a fixed list, you're in danger of missing things that are important but have failed to make the "official list". One list which I felt which was particularly confusing at best was the first one, on page Clearly the author fully expects us to answer "No", but the lists are full of ambiguity which, to someone who is not clued in and no rapist is, by definition is going to miss, or misinterpret.

This goes to what I've been saying about taking wise precautions, and about making a "No" quite clear. Yes, lack of clear consent means no, that's a given, and yes, even a clear and unequivocal no has indeed failed to stop rapists, but given the pervasiveness of rape culture, a lack of a clear "No! Remember, we are not dealing with an ideal society here. We're not even dealing with a rational one, much less a victim-friendly one. Here we're dealing with one which facilitates criminals getting away with rape the bulk of the time.

You simply cannot play fair in that environment. You're a fool if you think you can hold out any hope that a rapist will be reasonable, considerate, nuanced, decent, or amenable to argument or persuasion. I'm not even sure what the author was trying to demonstrate, but let's look at the list: I'd love to, but I already have plans. Sweet of you to offer, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it. Oh geez, maybe another time? I so wish I could! Not one of these actually says no not that this means 'yes', understand!

If you're sensitive, which rapists are not, you will suspect that this person does not want to be involved with you, but even so you may feel free to ask again at some point, because you want to be sure, and because the answers equivocated at best and invited a "return match" at worst. Indeed, three of them say the opposite of no: Einstein is often quoted as saying something along the lines of "You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war," which is nonsensical, but it's that kind of approach which is being pursued here. Rather than give an unequivocal "No! Even those who are not predators are at risk of being thoroughly confused by such ambiguous answers.

If you have no intention of becoming involved with a guy, you do not say you'd love to! You do not offer another what may be seen as an opportunity to stalk you. You do not utter wishes that you could be together. You do not use the word "afraid" in your response. If you like, you can soften it with "I'm involved with someone" or "I don't want to be involved with anyone here" or whatever, but don't omit the clear "No! Having given that, you are in no doubt as to whether you "encouraged" someone, and neither are they - if they are even remotely reasonable. If the worst happens, you will be confident you made it crystal clear that your answer was no, and you will not be haunted with concern that you somehow "encouraged" this guy.

Rape is god-awful enough without bringing self-doubt and self-recrimination into it, on top of whatever other horrors you're going through. On this same topic, it bothered me that on some occasions the author appeared to be disparaging rape prevention advice and campaigns by presenting an anecdote which "proved" all the advice was wrong. Yes, in an ideal society, women should not have to do these things. It's reprehensible that they're forced into this position, but the fact is that we do not live in an ideal society, and we're a long - probably impossible, I'm sorry to say - way from ever getting there, so until and unless we do live in that ideal society, the advice isn't wrong and people are foolish not to take it and follow it.

It's like saying that it's foolish to wear a seat belt, because there are some occasions where the seat belt has been the problem - the victim died anyway, or the seat belt trapped them in the car. Indeed, I was once trapped in the back seat of a car fortunately not due to an accident, but because the car was old and the seat belt was shitty.

We had to find some scissors and cut me out! Did I give up wearing seat belts because of this fail? This doesn't mean that a victim who has failed to take this advice is the problem and no crime has been committed. There has still been a crime and the victim's lack of forethought isn't a mitigating circumstance by any stretch of the imagination, no matter how hard the police or the commanding officer, or courts might dishonestly pretend it is - because of this rape culture.

But there are nonetheless ways in which, regardless of whether we're talking about rape or any other crime, you can endeavor protect yourself from harm and it's just plain stupid not to heed them. They're not guaranteed, by any means, and they will at times fail despite the best efforts, but on balance, they will make women and men safer, and this author's single-minded focus on the need to address the rapist problem, not the victim non-problem, commendable and accurate as that approach is, did a disservice to prevention in a society where it is a real a present danger, as they say.

It's this evident inability on the author's part to separate the wheat from the chaff which for me weakened the message she was bringing - a message which is long overdue. By that I don't mean it invalidated it, but I think it served to tint water which could have been clearer. For example, I would have liked to have seen the author outright condemn binge-drinking for an assortment of reasons, but because her focus was solely on rape, she tended to gloss over this problem because, it seemed to me, she felt it took away from her message that even if the person who was raped was drunk, she was still the victim of a crime and this does not mitigate the rapist's criminal behavior.

This is unarguably true to anyone with half a functioning brain, which rapists and anyone else who buys into the rape culture quite evidently doesn't have, but more instead of addressing the real and unarguable issue In the same vein, I would have liked her to have talked about educating men not to be criminals rather than zero in on the narrow field of educating them not to be rapists. That needs to be a distinct and pronounced part of such an education, but there needs to be a wider focus.

There are also issues with the prevalence of rape, which I admit is a doomed thing to try and calculate given how little of it goes reported because of the very fact that we do live in a rape culture. Numbers are tossed around without very much verification, so we end up with a one in five or a one in four number which then becomes folklore without anyone going back to see how that number was arrived at in the first place.

Lisak's study was evidently flawed. The Sterret case is interesting not only in and of itself, but also because it makes it clear that not all cases of rape or in this case alledged rape are about power. This one clearly was not. And neither is the power always with the guy - in this case the power to ruin his life was clearly in his supposed victim's hands. In a study, researchers at the Medical University of South Carolina set out to determine the rape-related pregnancy rate in the United States.

They estimated that about 5 percent of rape victims of reproductive age 12 to 45 become pregnant — a percentage that results in about 32, pregnancies each year. Even one is too many but over half a million is phenomenal and shocking beyond polite words.

Asking For It by Louise O'Neill- review

That's a far cry from ,, unless of course , failed to report the crime - but that's entirely possible. There is a yearly average of , victims we're told, but a rape every seconds comes to , This is good enough to fall in with that average, but it's a far cry from either , or , My point is not to belittle the magnitude of the numbers, which regardless of which number is most accurate, are appalling, but to point out that the numbers vary wildly, and this is the kind of thing which will be the very one that nay-sayers latch upon to try to call "the rape thing" into question.

Look," they will claim, "they're making wild guesses! No one knows, clearly they're making this all up as a scare tactic! A look, in this book, at the accuracy and sources of the numbers would have been appreciated, and while the author touches on this more than once, she never really pursues it as a legitimate topic in its own right.

We do not want to give those who would continue to try and sweep this rape culture pandemic under the carpet any ammunition even if they're firing blanks. I like that the author covers the fact that while the overwhelming number of rapes is indeed male on female, rape isn't just male on a female.

It's very much cross-gender despite the British rather Victorian idea that girls can't rape guys. I liked the discussion of the focus on college versus focus on 'civilian' rape, but this was a relatively short book and the author obviously could not go into great detail on every topic. Focus on college is important, but in one way it's a bit of a mis-focus because college female students are only about half as likely as non-college females of the same age range to be affected by violence: That doesn't mean it's not a problem, by any means, but it does mean we can be smarter, use better resources, and be more effective across all areas, instead of focusing on one and pretending we're addressing the problem.

I like that the author called into question some of the at best ill-advised, and at worst, situation-exacerbating ad campaigns aimed at reducing rape, but done in a wrong-headed manner. The problem isn't so much those, however, as the very effective ad campaigns which are aimed in the opposite direction, and which flood our senses throughout our lives almost subliminally. Indeed, they are so pervasive and so common and so readily available that we don't even consider them, much less talk about them.

This is why, for me, where this book most fell down is in its almost complete failure to address the far more widespread, and often very subtle rape culture problem: The author did cover, briefly and in a limited way, some movies and some TV, and even took a very small dip into advertising, but nowhere near enough.

In my opinion, it's in these areas that rape culture is seeded, because it is all-pervasive and it hits men and women alike from childhood. Note that I am not saying here that some guy watches a TV show or sees a commercial, and suddenly is filled with the idea that he can simply go out and rape him some women! It doesn't work like that. But when you have, for example in movies, been subjected to a lifetime of stories where the tough hombre battles the odds and is rewarded with the helpless "chick" every time, a "babe" not the infantilization in play here who pretty much literally falls into his arms, a wilting violet subservient to his every command, it's not hard to see that this cultivates a mind-set which takes only a weak will not to act upon.

Every time I'm in the grocery store waiting at the check out line, I'm bombarded with a host of magazines aimed at women, and what do all of these magazines have on the covers?

Curiously enough, semi-naked woman. What text do the covers most often carry? Something about sex, about improving your technique, making yourself sexier, spicing things up, and on and on. I rarely stand at the check-out without seeing at least one mention of sex on the cover of at least one magazine.

These are magazines that used to cover the model's head with the magazine title, as if to make it clear that only her body was of interest - you can safely ignore the mind. Only a professional idiot aka a rapist would view this as a guide to your average woman's mind-set and inclinations, but if you're one of the idiots, this tells you quite unequivocally that women want sex, they're desperate for it, they crave it, they need someone to deliver it to their open door. That's all the "consent" a rapist needs. These magazines, to me, are more abusive to women than actual pornography is, because they are much more pernicious and sly, and they're everywhere.

TV and movies send the same message - a message that a woman is only waiting for the right man and she;ll hop right into bed and the hell with worrying about STDs. Books are just as bad, especially the ones showing a woman in a state of undress with a manly man on the cover, and even more-so, ill-conceived and misguided young adult novels.

The worst of those are ones which purport to deliver a strong female character the main protagonist, yet almost inevitably have this character wilt and take second place when a man shows up, as though she's really quite weak, if not outright incompetent, by herself and in truth needs a man to whip her into shape. All of this contributes to a comprehensive and overwhelming, if seriously deluded, view of women.

I find ti a bit sad that this author who does so well in other areas, barely mentions these areas, if at all. Overall though, despite some issues one of which is the author's unilateral declaration that couples in happy long-term relationships are pretty much rapists if they wake their partner up by means of foreplay!

Apr 27, KelseAwesomeness rated it really liked it. I had thought it just meant victim blaming The author oftentimes calls out both men and women when they are furthering to perpetuate rape-culture. Now, to carry one with my review. I was shocked and a little embarrassed because, when I was younger, I used to believe some of the rape myths that the author talks about.

At one point, I had believed that if a female dressed a certain way either scantily clad or extremely revealing that doing so would almost… invite negativity or unwanted attention. No one invites unwanted attention and most certainly no one deserves to be sexually assaulted for any reason. I am horrified and angry about how rape or sexual assault claims or cases had been handled and probably some that are still being handled in the same way today in the past. It has definitely strengthened my awareness of how steeped our society is in rape-culture.

Alternatively, another realization this book has made me aware of though… are all the ways that people are banding together to not only fight for justice for those who have been sexually assaulted but also the support and understanding that is sweeping over all of the sexism, hate, and automatic disbelief of female and male victims of rape or sexual assaults. I could go on and on about this book, but then you would miss out on the great, and tasteful, way that Kate Harding writes about this topic Jul 20, Erin rated it it was amazing Shelves: ARC for review from NetGalley.

I don't want to say "easy to read" but an excellent, largely non-academic look at rape culture in the United States. As Harding initially notes, rape culture is exists in many forms, "but its most devilish trick is to make the average, noncriminal person identify with the person accused, instead of the person reporting a crime," and we've seen this over and over again, from cases famous Glen Ridge, New Jersey and if you haven't read the incredible Our Guys by please do so , and Steubenville, Ohio to ones with which I was totally unfamiliar an eleven year old!

The defense portrayed her as a girl who had developed early, liked to wear makeup and didn't have much parental supervision One defense attorney even said, " 'Wasn't she saying, 'Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly? Tomayto, tomahto" this may be the point where I fell in love with Kate Harding. She then recounts the seven categories of American rape myths the book focuses primarily on America She asked for it.

It wasn't really rape. He didn't mean to. Rape is a trivial event. Rape is a deviant event. Harding then applies these myths to various scenarios, but it's nothing that most of us can't do in our own heads a hundred times over. Americans are perfectly willing to accept the stranger who jumps out of the bushes and attacks a young co-ed scenario, but when it's the boys on the local football team, or an aspiring divinity student the St.

Paul case going on as I type , or a beloved teacher or coach or whatever our brains just don't work the same way. Another great point - we teach our daughters to protect themselves, but we must also teach our sons not to become rapists. Males, ALL males, from the time they are ready to know the facts of life, must understand the meaning and nature of consent So a woman at a bar should only be able to have two drinks because men just can't control themselves?

There's so much more to say. Harding takes both conservative and those allegedly more liberal media to task and also takes a hard line on mens rights activists let me just say that these aren't the guys banging on drums in the woods , but my review might be as long as the book if I keep touching on every passage I marked. Okay maybe except Bryan protagonist's brother. The parents were obnoxious.

The friends were frustratingly dim-witted and shallow. The book dragged on and on. There was barely any development at all. She's clearly the queen bee. When the "rape scene" arrived, it wasn't even properly put forth that it was happening.

Only afterwards when it's all over the social media etc. Even then it was rather vague and underplayed in a sense. And apparently, Emma's parents don't give two hoots as well. All they cared about was their appearance and image in the neighborhood. There was no proper ending to it.

Was there a trial at the end?? Did the accused got what they deserved?? Did Emma recover from the incident? Did her parents do something about it? Seriously someone please explain this to me cos I don't get it. Aug 05, Hannah rated it it was amazing. More thorough review to come with the BangingBookClub. I don't quite have words yet but I will definitely review this at some point. For now, I'm just going to let it all sink in. Such an intense and powerful and important book.

Rape - message me if you want details if you're concerned. Oct 26, Reading Corner rated it really liked it. Rape I've been meaning to read this one for ages and I'm so glad I got around to it. I literally couldn't put it down and I had it finished in less than a day. Asking For It is a devastating novel which explores one of the most relevant but ignored aspects of our society today, rape culture.

Eighteen year old, Emma O'Donovan suddenly becomes a victim of this when she awakens the day after a party to discover revealing photographs of her from the night before, posted online. She can't remember what happened the night before but the photographs are clear evidence of the heinous acts performed on her. However,no one wants to believe her especially when it involves the town's heroes.

The story was set in Ireland which was a nice change and made me enjoy it more,being Irish myself but especially due to how Louise O'Neill brilliantly captured Irish culture. The main character Emma was not what I expected as she's a horrible person. She's a terrible friend,incredibly judgemental and can be cruel. The fact she is an unlikeable character and promiscuous adds even more complexity to the story as people presume she wanted to have sex with those men. Emma's reputation is an important example of the prejudice, people can have when evidence is laid out right in front of them and the culture of slut shaming.

Nearly everyone presumes she wanted it because of her past relations despite the incriminating pictures before them. The story was definitely bleak but this was necessary to capture the reality of rape culture and the serious impact it can have on the victim. The book deals with so many important themes that are neglected by our society despite their commonness,like slut shaming which runs throughout the book. Also, it looks at people's refusal to accept terrible acts committed by people they value so much.

I really liked how Louise O'Neill showed how even the own victim's family can question their accusation and the growing impact it can have. Also, I thought Louise O'Neill did an amazing job at exploring how all the blame Emma experienced was leading her into a decaying stage where the blame was slowly tearing her apart. This novel really is a fantastic one which made me further consider our ability to blame rape victims and protect those people who we hold in such a high light.

View all 21 comments. Aug 09, Mariah Roze rated it liked it Shelves: I read this book for the goodreads' book club Diversity in All Forms. If you want to participate in the discussion the link is below. I enjoyed the read but at times it dragged on. I felt like I was enjoying it more than normal because the discussions that were taking place with the book were very good and captivating, but the book itself had a lot of dull moments. I real I read this book for the goodreads' book club Diversity in All Forms.

I really struggled with the beginning of the book and trying to figure out what is going on. It was very confusing and there were so many characters. The ending was also a big let down. All, in all, this book lead to some great discussions, but it was definitely not one of my favorite books. Translation widget on The blog!! Sep 08, Mary rated it it was amazing. I am a liar until I am proven honest. Also, feel free to share your thoughts, comment or tell me anything: Apr 05, kat rated it liked it. Aug 04, Alice-Elizabeth marriedtobooks rated it it was amazing.

I read Asking For It a few weeks ago but forgot to type up my review on Goodreads for it, oops! I met Louise a few days ago at a book event and she was ever so nice and down to earth. If she's at an event close to you, go and see her! The subject topics contained in this novel are deep, it tackles the negativity of social media, rape and life changes in an instant.

Emma is an eighteen year old girl who has everything she could ever want and when a party comes up, she goes along. But in the follow I read Asking For It a few weeks ago but forgot to type up my review on Goodreads for it, oops! But in the following morning, she wakes up on the front porch having no clue how or why she's there. The things that follow are harrowing and shocking as everything that Emma once thought she knew and trusted changes forever.

Seriously, if there's a book that you should read this year. I can't even began to tell you all how the writing hit me. I was left contemplating with my pet cat afterwards. I know that's random but also what I found that was seriously refreshing is that I haven't read many novels that are set in Ireland so it was a nice change in setting and scene. The topics are deep but Louise really did her research and as a writer, doing research is so important. Aug 03, Book Riot Community added it. I read this book in one sitting. It follows Emma, a beautiful eighteen year old from a small Irish town.

They are obsessed with their appearance, are cruel to other people and even to each other. This all changes after Emma is raped at a party by multiple boys. The incident is recorded and pl I read this book in one sitting. The incident is recorded and plastered all over social media and a firestorm ensues.

This novel exposes the sickening way rape victims are treated in the UK and the U. THUG was another piece of realistic fiction I recently read that dealt with real issues. It was also easier for me to rate, because the bifurcation there was clear. I knew whom I was rooting for. Well, technically, the bifurcation was clear here too, and of course I was rooting for the prosecutrix. The girl who was raped.

But Emma, the victim here, is not a nice person. She is a petty, jealous, selfish, horrible person who also steals just because. I don't care about any of this. What I do care about, is that she trivialises her friend's rape and even joins in on laughing at it That is why I hate Emma O'Donovan. But that doesn't matter, because rape is rape and rape is wrong.

No one deserves to be raped. No one is asking to be raped. A smile, a show of cleavage, a hint of black lacy bra - nothing is an invitation. I don't know what O'Neill's intention here was, in making the main character so unlikable. Actually, I think I do. O'Neill wants to push her readers to say she deserved it. Being a bitch, being a skank, being a slut, being a whore - nothing is an invitation. Here, even in this review, I, started off by talking about Emma. What I should have started off with are the rapists.

Because in reality, they are the ones that need to be shamed. They raped her and filmed it. They put it up on social media and ruined her life, her friendships, her reputation, everything. She doesn't think she deserves to be loved anymore. Or that she deserves anything anymore. She thinks she was asking for it. She thinks she's in the wrong. Having too much to drink, taking drugs, being sexually active - nothing is an invitation.

This book is so, so important not just in the light of the MeToo and Time's Up movements, but in general, because when we say rape, the first reaction from many people is always that she was asking for it. Or that she should've screamed louder. Or not had so much to drink. The world polices the victim again and again and again. Everyone is so caught up in believing that the accused is innocent until proven guilty, that they don't give second thoughts to accusing the victim of lying.

Or of asking for it. We need to stop. Because the message of Asking For It is clear and simple and resounding. Don't trivialise their trauma. Rape is painful as it is. Don't make it worse for the victims by telling they're lying. The key takeaway from Asking For It is that no one is asking for it. Ultimately, Emma O'Donovan wasn't raped because she was beautiful.

She wasn't raped because she was a bitch. She wasn't raped because she was a "slut". She wasn't raped because she was a people-pleaser. Emma O'Donovan was raped for one and only one reason. Because four men decided it would be fun. That she wanted it. They were the only people at fault, the only entities responsible. That should be the only message we need to take from this. Emma wasn't asking for it. No one is asking for it. Not now, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

Nothing is an invitation to rape. View all 17 comments. Nov 16, Rachel rated it it was amazing Shelves: Asking For It is a difficult book. As if the subject matter isn't disturbing and harrowing enough - an year-old girl is raped and then ostracized from her community because of it - Louise O'Neill's approach to this story is ruthlessly, unnervingly honest. Emma O'Donovan's story isn't one of healing and closure and happy endings, and it can be hard to read because of that, but it shows an important side to this story that we don't often see depicted in fiction.

The most striking thing about As Asking For It is a difficult book. The most striking thing about Asking For It is how unlikable our heroine Emma is. The first quarter of the book is devoted to her treating her friends rather poorly and treating prospective partners like trophies; she's stuck-up, vain, and self-centered. She wears short skirts and low-cut dresses, she drinks a lot of alcohol and takes drugs recreationally, and when she's raped by four boys, the question in absolutely everyone's mind - from her classmates to her parents to strangers who pass her on the street - is 'wasn't she asking for it?

People like Emma though she's fictional, she's all too real don't fit into this mold and their allegations of rape are often met with disdain, which is why it's all the more critical that we support them. Obviously, a book tackling an important and difficult subject matter doesn't in and of itself make it a good book, so I'm glad to say that I was blown away by Asking For It on just about every level. O'Neill's writing is stunning I did such a double take when I flipped to the back cover and saw how young she is - not that young people can't be good writers, obviously!

Her characters are three-dimensional - Emma isn't an archetype straight out of Mean Girls; she's pretty and popular and vain, but it's all rooted in a deep sense of insecurity that's tied heavily into her upbringing, which O'Neill deftly explores in the way Emma relates to her family. I also liked that I didn't at any point feel like I was being preached to, which is something I occasionally feel while reading YA as an adult. O'Neill explores these issues with subtlety and doesn't shy away from asking difficult questions of her readers.

My one minor critique is that the rate at which secondary characters are introduced at the beginning of the novel is a little excessive - the first thirty or so pages were me going 'wait, who is that? This book isn't going to be for everyone, and I'd certainly advise that you proceed with caution if you're triggered by this subject matter or if you struggle with anxiety my heart was racing pretty much the entire time I was reading. But it is such a critically important contribution to the discussion of rape culture.

O'Neill fearlessly advocates justice for all rape victims, not just the ones whose stories are easier to digest, that fit better into our conceived narrative of what 'counts' as rape. We need to stop blaming rape victims and start listening to their stories, full stop. This was so hard to read but the topic is so important. The first chapters allow the reader to get to know Emma. She isn't the sweet, innocent girl and I actually wouldn't want her as a friend. But I think this was intentional, because it doesn't matter how sweet, flirty, bitchy, sexy the girl is.

If she doesn't want it, you accept it and leave her the hell alone. How everyone reacted after the rape was just heartbreaking. Even more so, when you realised that this happens way to often. Because w This was so hard to read but the topic is so important. Because what did she expect wearing these clothes, drinking too much and flirting with a boy? Obviously, she was asking for it. How these opinions effected Emma was so, so hard to read. I know it's important to give the accused a fair trial. Especially since there are men getting actually wrongly accused of sexual assault I really don't get these women You are not only ruining the life of an innocent but you're also making it so much harder for other victims.

But we definitly need to find a way to make it easier for victims of sexual assault. Mar 19, Kaitlin rated it really liked it. I don't often read contemporary fiction, but when I do I like to read books that have a really important theme to them and which will both entertain me, and make me think This book does both of those things, it's a fast-paced story which unfortunately isn't just a story, This is a set of events that could easily happen to any young girl or woman.

The story we see unfold of Emma and her tragic night where everything goes wrong, is such a horrible, but deceptively easy situation to get int I don't often read contemporary fiction, but when I do I like to read books that have a really important theme to them and which will both entertain me, and make me think The story we see unfold of Emma and her tragic night where everything goes wrong, is such a horrible, but deceptively easy situation to get into. Have one too many drinks, try something to fit in with a crowd, not be sure if you want it or not.

Consent is an issue which is really current, it's something that NEEDS to be spoken about, dealt with, pinned down. A harsher stance needs to be taken, and young readers need to know that rape or sexual assault of any kind is a really serious and awful situation, but it's one that needs to be taken seriously too. What I liked about this book is that it deals with a lot of the issues surrounding teen culture and females.

There's often an expectation that if someone says they were raped, they must have 'asked for it' in some way, be that through being drunk, wearing provocative clothes, or being coy. Any number of things can be conceived as 'asking for it' by any number of people, but the truth that this book aims to prove is that unless you do actually ASK for it, you shouldn't be taken advantage of. Emma is the main character of this book and she's an 18 year old slightly mean girl who is the queen bee of her school and friendship group.

Emma is beautiful, and used to the attention.

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She wants guys to like her, and she wants to be the best girl around. She cares for her friends, but not at the detriment to her own priorities, and there are times where she is mean and bitter and lets them down. Emma isn't someone I could ever have seen myself being friends with, in fact she's someone I would probably not like if I met her, but that still doesn't mean that I think Emma deserves her fate. Emma is just one of hundreds, thousands and millions of girls who have no doubt been through some form of sexual assault.

Not one of them asks for it, and not one of them knows how to deal with it.

Sure, some of them may be bitchier than others, and some may be absolutely lovely, but at the end of the day no matter what they are like, no one deserves their choices taken away, and Emma has that exact thing happen to her in this story. This book also comments on the change in prosecution and evidence thanks to social media. This has been a drastic change in the last decade, and it had its pros and cons when it comes to assault. In Emmas story we see that the evidence may not be something viable in a court, but it's something that ruins her life even more than the rape itself. Emma's struggles with the aftermath of people's opinions and views, laughter and ridicule is horrible and uncomfortable to read, but it is also very realistic and shows just how bad a situation can get.

I found the book to be a solidly good, very shocking, and very poignant read. This is a story which needed to be told, and one which I was very happy to have read, but it's by no means nice. It highlights just how far we still need to go with this topic, and I would thoroughly recommend this if you won't be triggered by the themes within. I recognize how fucking important this book is and how angry it makes me feel.

You can't even imagine how angry I am right now, how I'd like to throw the book at someone's face. I am angry things like that - let's call it what it is: And it never will. And let's be fucking clear one second: I'm just talking about girls being raped, because that's what this book is about, but a boy should never be rapped too. People won't believe a girl has been raped because the guy who did that is 'a good boy and would never do such a thing, and have you seen how she dressed?

She was asking for it' ; and people won't believe a boy has been raped because 'come on he's a big guy, do you really want me to believe a girl can rape someone? Rape is a real thing happening to a LOT of people in this fucking world, it's time people acknowledge this truth. Some people will survive rape, it will take time, but they will and be able to look back at it and not be okay but know it was never their fault, but some won't.

Some people like Emma in this book will feel like their body doesn't belong to them anymore, like they don't deserve happiness, like it's their fault and they can't ruin their aggressor's life, like people will stop loving them You can't imagine how these people will feel for the rest of their life, it's not even possible. So what I want, is for people to stop these stupid 'rape jokes' because they will NEVER be funny, they're disgusting and make people feel like they have the right to joke about it, like being raped doesn't matter.

Asking for It

This all just got out of hand. I need to get up. I need to leave this table. I need to find something sharp to play with. What's going to happen to her now? Collective moments like this are all too rare in modern theatre, but then few works have struck quite the same chord as Asking For It. It had the effect of what great art can do: That MeToo and the Belfast rugby rape….

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